say you'll love me again
by applecoral
Summary: How do you get over someone you're still in love with?


reupload cause the formatting was messed up the first time.

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It's eight in the morning and definitely way too early for this.

Her finger hovers awkwardly over the doorbell. She's been standing at his door for the past 5 minutes, debating on whether to knock or call or press the doorbell. Or just leave, honestly.

Going to see her ex to pick up all her stuff from his apartment is a lot harder than she thought it would be. Especially when she's still in love with him.

Rey bites her bottom lip nervously. She looks to her left, contemplating going back down the hallway and taking the elevator and pretending she was never here. She closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath.

The kid down the hall is screaming his head off as usual. Classical music streams from one of the other apartments, probably Mrs. Hunter. In a sad sort of way, she thinks she's gonna miss this place.

Wiping her sweaty palms on her jeans, she knocks lightly on the door with her knuckles. There's a tightness in her chest that threatens to crawl its way up her throat as the door stays closed. She struck with the terrible thought of throwing up on Ben as soon as he opens the door. Seconds pass, and she spins around, ready to walk away and forget she ever came here.

"Rey?"

She freezes, cursing under her breath, hating the way she feels when he says her name. He has no right to still make her feel like that. She turns around, and the sight before her makes her breath catch in her throat.

Ben looks like he just rolled out of bed. His hair is messy and unbrushed, eyes bleary and unfocused, and the only thing he's wearing are a pair of black sweats. He looks impossibly attractive. She pushes the thought out of her mind.

"W-what are you doing here?" He clears the sleepiness from his voice, running a hand through his hair. She clenches her fist, holding back from reaching out and fixing it for him. She's not supposed to do that anymore.

There are a billion things she wants to say.

"Sorry I woke you up." Out of all the things she could've said, _that_ came out of her mouth?

"It's fine. Couldn't sleep anyway." He says, avoiding looking her in the eye and instead staring at a spot above her head.

"I, uh, came by to pick up my stuff."

His gaze swivels down to her, staring for a few seconds, dark eyes burning into hers, before stepping aside and motioning for her to go inside.

His apartment is a mess, a major difference from its usual organized and sterile state, with half-empty soda cans and leftover cup noodles strewn everywhere. The sink is piled high with dirty dishes. A pillow and blanket left lying on the couch.

She shouldn't judge though, her own apartment's in the same disastrous state. She barely mustered up the energy to get out of bed this morning, after spending the night tossing and turning.

"I'll get your stuff." Ben says, disappearing into their— _his_ bedroom, she corrects in her mind.

Rey supposes she can't blame him for being cold. Who gets over a breakup in only a week? It was a tough decision to a complicated situation, and she's not entirely sure she made the right choice. She remembers shouting and arguing and maybe she threw something, or he did. Maybe she cried, or he did, or they both did. It's a hazy memory in her mind that she doesn't want to think too hard about.

On the coffee table, she notices a familiar photo frame that's supposed to be on his night stand. It's a picture of her and Ben, when they went to the carnival and rode the Ferris wheel and it had gotten stalled right when they were at the top. It wasn't unwelcome, as it happened right when the sun was starting to set. The picture is of the two of them smiling at the camera, cheek pressed to cheek. She remembers the sun casting a warm, sunny glow onto Ben, and how beautiful and angelic it made him look. It was the first time in their relationship that she told him she loved him. Her heart pounded in her chest, and she stumbled over her words and she wanted to jump off the ride, but (of course) she didn't. She remembers the careful and hesitant way he said it back, and how gentle he was when he kissed her, a hand carefully cupping her cheek.

Rey looks down at the picture frame, which now has a few fresh droplets of tears sliding down the glass pane. She tries to wipe it away with her sleeve, but it slips out of her hand and falls to the ground, the glass panel shattering. She drops to her knees, cursing, and starts picking up pieces, placing them in her open palm.

"Rey?" Ben calls from the bedroom. Oh shit. He's gonna think she did it on purpose, that she hates him, but it's not true she's just trying to pick up the pieces and she's just-

She turns to see him standing in the doorway, eyes filled with concern and worry. "Your hand..." His eyes flicker down and he frowns.

She looks down and realizes that the hand that's holding the shards of glass has curled into a tight fist, and blood is dripping down between the cracks of her fingers, splattering onto the carpet. She stares numbly at her hand, until the pain finally registers, shooting through her arm and causing her to let go of the bits of glass.

"Shit, Rey, are you okay?" Ben runs over to kneel down in front of her, taking her hand to examine. She ignores the way her skin buzzes with electricity as he touches her.

"I'm...fine." She says lamely.

He rolls his eyes and huffs. "Come here." He leads her to the kitchen, lifting her by the waist (with his ridiculously strong arms) and placing her on the counter. He rummages around in a cabinet for the first-aid kit, setting it down next to her when he finds it.

Methodically, he starts to disinfect and tweeze out any remaining splinters of glass that might still be embedded in her palm. He doesn't say anything, but she can tell by the tightness in his shoulders that he seems upset about it. She wouldn't feel as bad if he just yelled at her, or threw one of his famous temper tantrums. But the empty silence combined with the careful way he fixes her is much, much worse.

"I'm not supposed to be here, fuck, I shouldn't have come, I'm sorry." Rey tries to pull her hand out of his grasp, but he doesn't let her go. She tugs and twists, but he's still firmly holding onto her, and her hand still hurts so she doesn't try too hard.

"Stop." He says. She does.

He finishes wrapping the bandage around her hand, and finally looks at her. He doesn't look angry, just sad. And that hurts her more than any physical injury ever could.

"Why are you here, Rey?" He runs a hand through his hair, letting out a deep breath.

She doesn't respond. She's not sure. She should just say she's here for her stuff, so she can go home, but they both know that's a lie. She toys with the edge of the bandage, anything to distract her.

"Rey." He says firmly.

"I-I just wanted to say that I uh, I missed you." She squeezes her eyes shut, cheeks burning with her confession. There, she said it. "I guess I just wanted to know if you missed me."

A long, painful moment of silence passes, neither of them saying anything. She doesn't look at him, doesn't want to see the pained look in his eyes that'll make her heart feel like it's going to break even more.

He lets out a long sigh. "Rey..."

She feels him take a step closer to her, until he's the closest he can be with her knees in the way.

"Look at me." He says softly. And damn it, she can't help but obey when he uses that gentle tone with her.

Dark eyes burn into hers as his forehead presses against hers, hands holding her face in place. His lips are slightly parted, breath hot against her lips. It's slow, their heads tilting and leaning in. It's so _delicate_ , a jarring contrast to the bruising and burning intense kisses they're used to.

"Ben." She rasps, resisting the urge to clear her throat and break the spell.

"Please." His voice is barely audible even in the silence of the room. She thinks she can hear his heart beating in her chest. Or maybe it's just hers.

Her eyes close and she leans in, or maybe they both do. It's a desperate sort of kiss, so tender and gentle and she can feel a wetness on her cheeks. She's crying.

They kiss for an undetermined amount of time, but she knows when they both part, they're panting for breath, faces red and wet with tears.

"I'm sorry." Rey admits.

"I missed you." Ben says, thumbing away a tear from the corner of her eye.

"I think...that night we both said some stupid things, and I was mad, and you were mad, and I just wanted to- no, needed to get away from all this. But all this time, I couldn't stop thinking about you. Letting you go would be the stupidest thing I've ever done." She takes his hand in hers, and looks at him hopefully. It'd be really embarrassing if he rejected her after this.

"I'm sorry too. I should have listened to what you were trying to say instead of getting mad. I love you, Rey." He gives her hand a firm squeeze. "I don't want to lose you over a stupid fight. I'd never forgive myself."

"I love you too." She leans forward to press a soft kiss to his lips.


End file.
